Better does not equal easier. This is my list of some notes to myself. More or less it’s just common knowledge, so you probably won’t learn anything new.
This might work for you too or not. We’re different, but we’re humans and some things apply to everyone. It’s still up to you if you want this or not though.
I don’t know how familiar are you with different parts of yourself. These reminders are activators of my inner adult, for those who know this. I’m having some technical issues with this part, so I need to be reminded often. It helps to be surrounded with people who think alike too, a therapist is essential here for me.
We all need to have the right amount of this part to function healthily. I’m not a therapist nor do I have all of the knowledge to teach you about everything. I’ve got you covered a little under further reading below. You can Google for more if you’re curious. 😉
Some random reminders
- Patience can be learned.
- Gratitude can be more powerful than love.
- You can always be in good company if you’re willing to work on yourself to that point.
- When you’re about to kill yourself, rest instead. A talk might help too. With a random stranger, a friend or just yourself.
- Success is not the same for everyone. Only you can define what success is for you. Or others will do this for you.
- Mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness. You can skip it from time to time as long as you’re not more consistent with skipping than doing it. 😀
- Don’t underestimate the power of the little things. You might save a life with just a simple word of kindness at the right time. But this doesn’t mean that being kind will instantly save your or other people’s world. Keep it real.
- Good sleep can do wonders. The same goes for good food, exercise, and so on. The basics. And your consistency with it. Simplify these things as much as possible. Less is more.
- Listen to your heart. Listen to your mind. But don’t act on your emotions. Make some rational decisions instead. If you can’t decide, you can wait.
- Things change faster when you believe that they can.
- Some things take much more time. This doesn’t mean they’re not happening.
This list doesn’t have an ending as long as you live.
Many people didn’t/don’t have parents or other caregivers to teach them the basics. You can learn or re-learn this at any stage of your life. A therapist can help you with this and there’s nothing wrong with you needing the help of others. This doesn’t make you weak, quite the opposite..
What are your reminders? Share some ideas with others, no matter how silly it might sound. Your silly note might be a life saver for somebody else.
Further reading:
– Dysfunctional ‘Parent’ Modes
– Finding Your Inner Adult
– Your Inner Adult
I am just completely off track and unfocused anymore. Most days I’m so lost…in a fog that I don’t even know what day it is. But…for the first time in my life I talk to a therapist (definitely should’ve been in some sort of therapy over 30 years ago since my life has been nothing but unreal dysfunction lol). She’s actually specialized in grief counseling and works at the medical examiner’s office. She is so wonderful and has earned her golden ticket through those pearly gates above by putting up with me. I have tremendous trust issues…extremely tremendous! It started when I was very young and overhearing or being told truths of family secrets. In my early 20’s I decided to let my guard down since I surrounded myself decent people outside of family, so I thought. After subconsciously taking the blame from failed relationships and friendships for many years (because toxic people who have guilty consciences will make you believe everything is your fault), I stopped ignoring truths I knew and cut off pretty much everyone who wasn’t family. And I just realized that I’m drifting off topic lol…sorry. Back to therapy…when my oldest passed away in Sept, my now therapist actually called because she was the one who examined Jace’s body. She was so easy to talk to and her voice and kind words were so comforting that I started therapy and didn’t even realize it…kinda. That’s about as far as it goes for me when it comes to daily routines or positive reminders…depressing I know. I’m just stuck…for now. I know I’ve got a long way to go and eventually will have to put my foot down and accept this new nightmare…I’m just not there….yet. Believe me, this is very out of character for me. I was so routined with certain things like jogging every night, reading, daily chores, arts and crafts with the grands, donating to local churches and helping with seniors in our community. A lot of people have recently tried suggesting I slowly start doing those things again. They either don’t know or didn’t realize that I did most of those things with my oldest. I wish I could try to get back on track but I’m truly struggling with the pain of grief.
You reminded me a lot of my Jace by reading your list. Especially with the daily affirmations. Jace had pages of ones he liked printed and he always took time to pray. I always like trying to keep up with your posts because a lot of what you write about is a lot like Jace. I’m so sorry this comment turned into a saga…yikes. It’s been a rougher patch than usual for me lately. Thank you for always doing your best to be positive and sharing. You may not realize it but, you’ve got such a special quality that seems to help others. Be proud of yourself. 💛
Thank you Aimee.
It’s understandable that you’re way off of your routine after such traumatic event.
Grief takes time and you can’t rush things. I believe you feel much pressure from other people, but this is just their opinion. You can recover at your own pace. Just don’t stop talking to your therapist. You can find what works best for you together.
Other people’s opinion is just that. Other people’s opinion. I know it can be hard not to take it personally though.
It’s ok if you went a bit offtopic. You’re always welcome here to let things out, if that helps at least a little. 💛
If I remind you of Jace, it might be good to discuss this with your therapist and then decide if it’s ok for you to read my blog or just prolonging your grief. I’m not trying to push you away, just please be careful.
Again, I’m really sorry for your loss. I know this doesn’t make much difference, but I’m sending you one big virtual hug in there. 🤗
Sometimes I don’t explain things the way I’m thinking with the right words. I’m a talker and writing and starting this page are a bit new for me lol. What I should have explained better when I say you remind me so much of my Jace is in the way you write and the way you tell your story. Although you and Jace may not have been struggling with the same issues, it’s almost as if you both battled the depression with similar emotions….that may not make sense because it’s hard to describe. Anyway, if Jace were still here I know he would’ve followed your page and would agree with a lot of the ways you feel at times. I hope I’m explaining this better even though I feel like I’m not lol.
One thing I always told Jace when he felt defeated or at his lowest and felt like he didn’t want to live or that I wouldn’t stress or worry as much if he were gone would be….I may not understand what you go through with addiction and depression and I won’t pretend to. I respect how you feel whether it’s good or bad. I’ll never deny that you mean what you say at these darkest times…I believe you. I support you. I will fight with you. I will always be here for you because I love you more than you could ever imagine. One thing I won’t allow you to do is tell me my life or this world will be better or less stressed or whatever without you in it. You are my first true love and the reason I’m able to love. You are the reason I ever wanted to become I better person and make goals. Because of you I’m able to have the same love for your sisters. You unlocked my armored heart that I never knew was locked. If anything ever happens to you, I promise you that you’d be taking most of me with you.
Now…a few years after we hurdled and overcame most of those demons, he would admit that most of me or what I used to be has definitely went with him when he passed. Back then I was grieving a living child for a long time. I knew pain then but never in a million years would’ve known the pain I go through now.
I think I understand what you’re saying pretty well, but I will never know exactly how you feel or think (this goes for everybody). Thanks for clearing things out.
I can’t imagine how horrible your loss must be for you. You sound like a really loving mom every kid could wish to have. I was really touched by the words you said to Jace.
Thank you for sharing this here.
My reminders are: drink water, keep moving, keep doing what I love doing, rest, enjoy and savor the moment, eat for my health, sugar hurts, other people’s damaged goods is not my responsibility so stop trying to save them. That’s the top 8 reminders for me. It was nice to read your list, thank you.
Thank you too Morag.
Great list Maja! Our mood and well-being is heavily influenced by the simplest of things: Exercise, good sleep, being in nature, being still, laughing with friends… Thank you for sharing 🙏
Wonderful reminders, Maja!!! Thank You and Happy New Year! 🤗💖😊
Thank you Katy. Happy New Year to you too. 🙂 💛
My pleasure and Thank You!!! 💕
Beautiful reminders, Maja.
My reminder is – Embrace uncertainty and live in the present.
Thanks for adding another one to the list. 🙂
You’re welcome.
My list would be a lot like yours. “To thine own self be true” I remember from long ago, meaning do not compromise your own ethics because someone else doesn’t agree. It has always been very important to me.
On my list for this year was to give myself 30min-1hr each day to do something that motivates me or makes me happy. I have a list of things to choose from for that time-reading, writing, learning about weather, take a walk, page through my magazines etc.
Also I have found year-long goals to be unrealistic for me to follow and I just get sad about it, so I’m just doing a Jan-March goal. Works for my brain to do things in more manageable sized chunks.
It’s great that you aknowledged your unrealistic goals and set better ones. This is really important. I hope you’ll met your new goals. If not, you can always set some new ones. I wish you all best with that and thanks for sharing your insights. 🙂
I love the idea of setting reminders like these for yourself and I think I will try some out myself. Great post!
Thanks Pooja. 🙂
😊😊
I love your reminders, especially about gratitude, patience, and listening to your heart. I have to admit, here lately I’ve been way off kilter but I’m working my way back. This past year has been so messed up and I’ve only trudged through it. I don’t know how I survived but I figure that if I can survive six years of bullying than I can survive anything. This is just another stumbling block. Thank you for this wonderful post!
Bullying can be really painful, but you’ve been through and indeed, you can go through anything.
Thanks Cherie.
You’re very welcome, Maja! 🙂
I love these reminders! My adult parts needed to hear these this afternoon, so, thank you for posting them!