why we don't want things once we get them

Do you ever wonder why you don’t like something once you get it?

This phenomenon is described as the “hedonic treadmill” or “hedonic adaptation.” It refers to the tendency for people to quickly adapt to new circumstances or possessions, leading to a decrease in the initial excitement or satisfaction they experienced.

There are several reasons why it comes to this:

  1. Novelty wears off: Humans have a natural inclination for novelty and new experiences. When we acquire something new, it initially feels exciting and valuable. However, over time, the novelty diminishes, and we become accustomed to the item or situation. As a result, the initial pleasure or desire associated with it fades away.
  2. Higher expectations: Sometimes, people have high expectations about how obtaining something will make them feel or improve their lives. However, when reality falls short of those expectations, they may become disappointed or disillusioned. Consequently, the item or achievement may lose its appeal or significance.
  3. Relative comparison: People often compare their possessions, achievements, or circumstances to those of others. If someone acquires something they perceive as desirable or valuable, they may experience a temporary boost in happiness or satisfaction. However, once they observe that others possess something even better or more impressive, their own possession may suddenly seem less desirable or satisfying in comparison.
  4. Adaptation and habituation: Humans have a remarkable ability to adapt to new circumstances and possessions. Over time, our brains adjust to the new stimuli and incorporate them into our daily lives. This adaptation can lead to a decrease in the intensity of positive emotions associated with the item or experience.
  5. Changing desires and priorities: As individuals grow and evolve, their desires, values, and priorities can change. Something that once seemed important or desirable may no longer align with their current goals or interests. Consequently, their motivation or desire for that particular thing diminishes.

It’s important to note that not everyone experiences this phenomenon to the same degree, and the reasons can vary depending on the individual and the specific circumstances. Additionally, there are strategies that can help counteract the diminishing value of things over time.

Approaches that may help:

  • Practice gratitude: Actively cultivate gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life and the things you already have. Take time each day to reflect on the things you appreciate, whether they are relationships, experiences, or possessions. This practice can help shift your focus from constantly seeking new things to appreciating what you already possess.
  • Engage in mindful consumption: Before acquiring something new, pause and reflect on your motivations. Consider whether the purchase aligns with your values and genuine needs or if it is driven by fleeting desires or societal pressures. Mindful consumption involves making intentional choices that bring true value and satisfaction, rather than pursuing material possessions for the sake of acquisition.
  • Focus on experiences: Invest more in experiences rather than material possessions. Experiences tend to provide longer-lasting happiness and satisfaction compared to material goods. Engaging in activities, hobbies, and spending quality time with loved ones can create meaningful memories and contribute to a greater sense of fulfillment.
  • Set realistic expectations: Be mindful of your expectations when pursuing new possessions or achievements. Recognize that the initial excitement or happiness associated with acquiring something new may fade over time. By setting realistic expectations, you can better manage disappointments and appreciate the true value of your possessions or accomplishments.
  • Practice self-awareness: Pay attention to your own patterns of desire and consumption. Reflect on why you want certain things and consider whether they truly align with your values and long-term goals. Developing self-awareness can help you make more conscious choices and reduce impulsive or unnecessary purchases.
  • Emphasize relationships and connections: Place greater emphasis on building and nurturing meaningful relationships. Strong connections with others, such as friends, family, and community, can provide a sense of belonging, support, and fulfillment that material possessions often cannot.
  • Engage in personal growth: Shift your focus from external acquisitions to personal growth and self-improvement. Set meaningful goals, pursue learning opportunities, and engage in activities that align with your passions and interests. Personal growth and development can lead to a deeper sense of fulfillment and purpose.

Remember that coping with the hedonic treadmill is an ongoing process that requires conscious effort and self-reflection. By adopting these strategies and being mindful of your desires and motivations, you can cultivate a greater sense of contentment and reduce the tendency to constantly seek new things.

What helps you the most in such situations?

11 Comments

  1. It’s very nice to see you posting again, Maja, and hope you are doing well.

    I agree with everything in this post. It really does speak to such an annoying human quality – which I am also guilty of possessing on occasion.

    I like your list. Practicing gratitude and keeping your eyes on your own prize rather than what the others have are really good ways to remember just how blessed we can be and are.

    1. Hi Ab, it’s very nice to be back with such welcome. 🙂

      It is an annoying human quality indeed, and I’m glad you’ve found something that can get you out of this mode too. Thanks for stopping by 🙋‍♀️

        1. Thank you too, Tamara. I’m glad that practicing gratitude helps you. I don’t know what to say about the temptations, though… I wish you all the best.

  2. These days I really only purchase essentials. It gets easier when you are old! But when I was younger I used to buy items that I thought would make good gifts. Usually that is what I did with them but to this day I have some of those items still in a box, the people they were possibly intended for long since lost touch with. Now I would love to pass the items on but have nowhere to send them. Thanks for reminding me that I must “make a plan”!

  3. Hi Maja, I agree with Array, it does get easier with age. At least it has for me. Also adopting a simple lifestyle and being very frugal have taught me the value of money and possessions. I want very little though I was guilty of ‘stress shopping’ in my youth. I’ve since decluttered alot and donated things I had no use or desire for. I find it freeing to have less ‘stuff’, which is more rewarding for me. Great article, it’s good to have you back.

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