CPTSD: A Journey of Pain, Growth, and Unfinished Lessons

Living with CPTSD still feels like navigating a storm within my mind.

My inner critic is relentless, sometimes easing its grip, other times turning my thoughts into a battlefield. On better days, I try to reframe this chaos as my little kindergarten – a place where my inner parts can be approached with compassion, even if they’re not always cooperative.

Trauma responses sneak in constantly, particularly when I interact with others in person. It’s exhausting.

I crave alone time, unsure if it’s a necessary refuge or if it’s further isolating me. I still wonder: Can we thrive without regular physical contact with people? Or is it truly essential, as so many studies suggest?

I no longer feel connected to anyone other than my cat. This sense of disconnection has become a constant presence in my life. My body doesn’t feel safe around people, even when my mind does.

When strong emotions overwhelm me, they still feel as raw as they did in my childhood (despite meds, therapies, and behavioral changes), hitting me like a tidal wave of hopelessness that sometimes lingers for far too long.

Over time, I’ve often mistaken certain feelings for love, confusing the intensity of my emotions with something deeper. This is one of the few areas where therapy has been particularly helpful, along with a lot of reading and personal exploration.

One of my coping mechanisms became “fake it till you make it.” So, I pretend to feel okay, even though most of the time, I don’t. This is exhausting too. As you’ve probably noticed, CPTSD sounds like one particularly exhausting “brain bug” – indeed it is.

This journey is far from straightforward. The weight of disconnection and emotional pain often overshadows the small victories, but I’m still here, still trying.

This is where some inspirational content should go, but I don’t have any to share. From the outside, my life might seem pretty average, but on the inside, it’s a constant battle – and that too, is exhausting.

I took a break from blogging because I’ve been balancing nearly full-time work and studying. Returning after each break is always difficult, especially when I notice that some of you are no longer here. Some have moved on from blogging, and others are no longer with us. Changes are a normal part of life, I know… but it’s still hard to accept.

Dear fellow bloggers and readers, both old and new, I hope you’re doing well.

Living with CPTSD is a journey of pain, growth, and lessons I’ve yet to finish learning. Thank you for being here as I navigate it, one step at a time.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Can you feel connected to others, or do you feel better in the company of your pets and other animals?