Insecurities - mind patch

This is just another thing that’s easier to write and talk about, than actually doing it. But you need to do things to change anything in your life. You need to go out of your comfort zone for this too. How much, depends on you and you only.

I’ve found these two questions very important for me:
What do you want (in life or specific situations)?
What can you do to achieve this?

We’re different and nothing works for everybody. Most of the things in life come with a price and we can’t influence everything in life.
But we can influence which sacrifices are we willing to make to achieve our goals, happiness, or otherwise feel fulfilled.

I’ve been through many traumatic events, which made my life very uncertain. A little bit of my comfort zone felt pretty darn good for a change.
But I was in it for way too long. For this matter, I’m grateful for being depressed. Depression forced me to stop and reflect on what was happening. I feel ashamed that it took me so long to wake up and see things clearly.

Prepare for the worst and you won’t get disappointed

This used to be my philosophy in the past. Because, well, I was used to the worst scenarios. They were my reality. Some other people coping with CPTSD might relate.

It’s good to acknowledge the worst-case scenario, but being preoccupied with it never ends up well. There must be a little bit of “prepare for nothing” too. To leave some fear behind and leave the room for more options.

Here is the room for a motivational quote or success story about how I overcame my fears and insecurities. But there is not much to add. Because I’m still afraid of so many things (myself included). And boy, I’m insecure.

I’m taking baby steps in this direction. By doing one thing that scares me at least a little. Every single day.
Sometimes this might be a walk through the center of the city, sometimes it’s talking to my closest people, sometimes an opening of the topic, I find difficult to talk about, going on a local hill or just driving around with a bike… Things many people take for granted, but many of us are afraid to do.

If I’m not consistent, my mental health breaks into little pieces. This happens a lot. As I’ve said, no success story here yet.

What about you, what are you doing daily that scares you at least a little?

25 Comments

    1. I think you’re a success story simply for making the the progress you’re making every day. Two steps forward, one step back… That seems to work for me. And no need to feel shame for being depressed. It’s an illness. Thank you for sharing from the heart.

  1. Hi Maja I’m glad to hear your hopeful story. And I think I should learn from you by taking initiative in doing things I have always wanted to do but kept aside due to fear and insecurities. I think nothing is certain and everything comes with risks and sacrifices (like you say). So we shall just embrace it as it comes. <3

  2. Wonderful post, Maja, thank you. I would like to echo, and invite you to consider, another sentiment shared previously in the thread of comments. That you are already a success. Your daily actions, your awareness, and your compassion. Lovely. Be well.

    1. I can imagine how frightening can this be, at least from my point of view. I hope it will become much easier for you through time and experience. Just don’t stop. πŸ™‚

  3. Some days, just getting out of bed feels like a major victory.

    A while back, it was crying. You know that sense of release you get when the tears come? For a couple of months recently, I was in a place where I knew I needed to cry. I felt the tears well up and then… nothing. I suspected I might have an idea why, but it didn’t help. Now I have the tears back.

    Some days, before lockdown, it was getting up and performing – something I found I could do even on days when I was having major anxiety. Sometimes, I look back to the first open mike night I ever performed a couple of months after a major bereavement, having been curled up on the floor all afternoon, seeing the microphone come apart in my hands and having to wait while the compere fixed it. Had I chosed the “sod this” route and left at that point, I might never have known what I could do when I get up on stage. Sometimes, it really does come down to holding faith through a scary moment.

    Sometimes it comes down to reading a piece like this on a weepy evening, and not feeling so alone. (Sorry, bit too much there)

    1. It’s ok. πŸ™‚ Writing your thoughts can have a similar effect as you described by crying. I hope you got some relief.
      Thanks for stopping by, Woodsy.

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