Depression is not the same as being sad for the whole day or being melancholic, apathetic for day or two. Depression lasts longer.
I’ve been there, many times. I wish I could say that it became easier over the years. But it really didn’t.
While we are depressed, we usually tend to isolate ourselves more than when we’re not. This gives us more time to go away from daily distractions and truly see ourselves. This is the good part. To some point.
Everybody can benefit from spending some time alone. To know yourself better and to see your own life, what works and what doesn’t (I’m not saying everybody should be depressed as well – far from it). We have therapists for those who can’t do this on their own. There’s nothing bad in finding some guidance.
The isolation part should never take too long. It can become really hard to pull yourself out of this state.
I think we all need some company at some point, but it really matters who is around (more on that in the video below).
The bad part is when you don’t have the energy to see anything at all and really don’t care if you exist or not. The bad part is also when you aren’t sad but just empty and numb instead.
I consider sadness as a good thing. Tears are like poo. What comes in must come out. We need to express our feelings, otherwise they get stuck.
It’s great that we have healthcare, which provides help. But we need to stay critical to where help starts and when it ends. Where is the point you need a crutch called antidepressant and the point where your own work begins. This one never ends, you need to work until you die. Some more, some less.
Working on yourself is one very underestimated thing by my opinion. Because at the end of the day you might have nothing to show, nor to yourself nor to others. The results take much longer than other kinds of work.
You shouldn’t expect your depression will get better long term if you just pop up some pills and continue to live the same life as you did before you went down. Just like with anxiety, the healing begins with brutal honesty with yourself. Who you are and what do you really want, need and expect. From yourself and from others. Are your expectations reasonable and achievable? There are many questions to ask yourself. You might dislike the answers and go down even more (this is why I really recommend some guidance).
And again, no matter how bad you feel, don’t isolate yourself too much. This is the most important lesson I’ve learned.
I sometimes seek help from professionals because I feel worthless to the point I prefer to bug someone who is paid for that over people who are closest to me. Over the years I’ve finally learned I was doing something wrong. Because I’ve pushed away friends and family while I needed them most. Multiple times. Don’t be like me. These are the people who can help you the most. By just being there. All you need to do is allowing them to be around.
Depression can be taken as a lesson. To learn new things about yourself and others.
What do you think, what is good about depression?
Further reading:
– Depression’s Evolutionary Roots
– The Lighter Side of Depression
– The Surprising Benefits of Being Depressed
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Tears are like poo! 😂 What is great about depression is when you allow the right people to come near you, you can feel (after a while) how greatly you apreciate them. What is also good is that you are forced to come eye to eye with yourself, not fun, not easy but needed. It’s up to you to jump, to dare to see the ‘demons’ for what they are. At least, that is what I think about it. But for everything is a right place and time and sometimes you just need to keep on living.
Indeed. Not fun, not easy but needed. Thank you for your thoughts.
Sometimes I can’t leave the house and miss out important days in college.This projects me as an irregular and inconsistent fellow.No one seems to understand and give me some time but also I don’t want to reveal anything about myself which even I am not sure about.I am just playing the role of a disappointing kid in my college.somedays I perform well and raise everyone’s expectation level and some days my mind betrays myself which inturn betrays others expectations.
Do you talk to somebody else about this?
No..
Sometimes it’s too much to keep it to yourself. There are great therapists and forums where you can talk about your struggles with people who went through similar things. 7 Cups is one of these nice communities.
Thank you very much
Great piece. I have been under mental health services for most of my adult life. I was on antidepressants of one type or another and then last year I went onto HRT and was able to really consider myself. I came off the antidepressants and realised that my health care provider wasn’t working for me. The promise of something at consultation and then a really long wait until the next consultation. Obviously each consultation being taken up with history…In the mean time I would talk myself out of suicide by having others around that weren’t really suitable but hey who else would sit with you for hours…? Anyhow, very long story short. I found that not being on the antidepressants so far has been liberating but also having the blog and sharing regardless of the nature of what’s on my mind has been too. It’s only words….
I think words are very powerful. They can do many good and bad things. I’m glad you’ve found what works for you. Thanks for sharing.
You have written this so well. The hardest part is when one feels numb. No one can prescribe the catalyst to break out of this. Sometimes it may be a phone call, or hearing something on the radio, remembering that putting on lipstick makes you feel good, the sun breaking out of clouds and rain. I have been there many times and friends do not understand. They usually think one’s depression should be gone next week. Friends are good when one can function but seeing a professional can prevent the loss of friends…
If you listen to professional… :))
Thanks for your input.
You’re welcome!
I can honestly say I have found nothing good about depression. Absolutely nothing. It has wrecked my entire life and continues so to do. I am totally isolated, by choice, most of the time. I would not have it any other way. It is not that I do not like people but no other person can lift my personal black cloud in which I am enveloped. I have spoken to may professionals over the years and there was little help to be had. Anti depressants made matters worse for a few months and after that did not work for good. Psychedelics may hold some of the answer I have found. But I guess depression is simply part of who I am. A grim genetic inheritance, a cross one has to bear.
A lot of this takes words from my mouth and expresses them in ways I wouldn’t have (that’s a good thing). Thank you for sharing it!
I have anxiety and depression. These both cause me to isolate myself from friends and family. I spend more time alone than with people. They tend leave because they feel like I don’t want to be friends with them or that I am not a good person.
Crying is much better than keeping it in. When I kept it in, it lead to harmful behavior. It is a life long journey to finding your happy place again.
Indeed it is. You sound much like me and I really don’t know what else to say. Thanks for sharing.
Learning happens automatically in the brain circuits of human beings without hard cognitive thinking. A person has to apply only motor knowledge in working, learning and understanding. Thanks ! Keep writing and smiling forever.
You are talking the truth …
SIgh – I have to say I have not found much ‘good ‘ about depression and quite honestly would be OVERJOYED if it never happened to me. When I think a bout it I guess here is my one ‘good’. I find /found people like me better depressed than normal. My coping mechanism was to ask questions and not answer questions about how i am as my life sucked and hated to be a debbie downer. But on the positive I always got jobs .. never overtalked someone. People literally told me at work they thought I was a genius because i stayed quiet and then answered / contributed thoughts on the issues very calmly and succintly which were spot on with the answer. I felt like a fraud looking from behind the glasses at life from a brain which is detached from my head. Anyway – I am certainly NOT a fan of depression but with good counsel and medication adjustments it gets better – not perfect but better.
You’re aware of few very powerful sides of depression. They might not feel pleasant, but you can still use them to your advantage. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
You know when I think of it you are absolutely right. I found people like me better, work thinks I am so smart because I am quiet ( trying to focus on the conversation which is very difficult and when I do speak in a meeting it is very brief and very accurate . I always get a contract to work ( lost it when manic ). But the pain ohhhh the pain.
Depression is not something I would have asked for, however it has developed and it’s led to self dissection and that has led to discovering of dysfunction and the ways to healing and the ways to improvement. It’s a very very thin silver lining, I prefer to think of it as making the best of a bad situation.
It is what it is and if some good can come from it, I’ll take that
Well written post. I agree there is a positive side to depression. It can show us important things that need to be changed in our lives if we are to grow. It can give our minds and bodies space for self reflection.
Thank you, I’m glad you liked it.
These positive comments are so inspirational. Thanks for them. However they make me more despondent as for me when depressed I can’t even focus on that ability for self introspective and being at peace with my thoughts. As my thoughts that perpetuate throughout are that I feel hopeless a fraud and my brain feels distracted to my eyes and all I see is how others can deal with life and all I want to do is watch tv and isolate
With my depression, I learned a lot about compassion and empathy. I also realized more what is really important in life. Thank you for your thoughts.
“the healing begins with brutal honesty with yourself”
Great line…
That’s how I survived depression, traumas and so many blahs too.
I tried therapy many times, but it never worked for me; but this, talking to myself, digging and digging, kept me alive.
Thank you for sharing this!
Exceptional blogging… highly informative and insightful with great mastery of the written word.
Thank you Lance.
You’re sincerely welcome, Maja!
I’m not sure if I can call it depression but I’ve been very very sad for quite sometime. One of the best part is, It showed me what was missing that I am not aware that it was. Maybe I am but I managed to hid it or take it for granted until my mind can’t take it anymore. Thanks for sharing!
This is a great acknowledgment, so you know what to do to feel better.
Thank you too, for sharing your insights.
I shared some of my stories hoping to give light to others that is going through their tough times https://chibiwanderer.wordpress.com/2020/06/07/how-can-a-ted-talk-video-wake-you-up/ – hope it helps!
Thanks for sharing the link.
I watched both talks you’ve mentioned, they are really an eye opener.
Brilliant post! I really like the idea of turning experience into lesson. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks Henry, I’m glad you liked it.
This is an absolutely wonderful post. I started smiling as soon as I read these brilliant words: “Tears are like poo. What comes in must come out.” That’s brilliant, funny and SOOO true!!! Thank You for all of this, Maja! Cheers! ❤️❤️❤️
🙂 I’m glad you liked it Katy.
Indeed!!! 💖
👌👌👌✒ I agree … depression brings the highest possible degree of self-reflection … even if we don’t look for it.
Depression teaches me humility, and my own unworthiness before God. God may say to me as He said to Job: ‘where were you when I made the heavens and the earth,…’ I forget how the verse in the Bible goes. God bless you on your journey.
I agree working on ourselves is totally underestimated, its tough, hard, but so worth all the effort it takes!