Have you ever fallen in love with someone who didn’t return your feelings? If you’re human, chances are you’ve experienced this at least once.
It’s reassuring to realize that the other person often has less to do with our heartbreak than we might think. More often, it’s our minds that cause the pain, which is good news. I’ll share more about this later, but first, let me tell you a part of my experience.
In the past, I could lose myself completely when I fell in love. No matter if the feelings were or weren’t returned. I simply couldn’t imagine myself existing without this person.
I also gave this person the power to decide what kind of person I am, I gave up control over my emotions and much more. Well, I was still in control, I just wasn’t aware.
When you give other people such power, you can’t live a happy life or sometimes live at all.
When you learn to control your thoughts, you learn to control your emotions too.
Am I there yet? No, I’m writing this “on the go”, still learning the very basics.
Once you realize the power that only you can have over you (and not give it to others), many things become much clearer and easier.
If you’re in control when it comes to your unpleasant emotions, you can also be in control of the pleasant ones.
So, how did I fix my own broken heart?
By changing my thoughts, questioning them often, and letting myself feel all the emotions in all their depth.
I used to run from my emotions, so this was a huge step forward.
Also staying in regular touch with other people, do the work I love, and other things I enjoy, taking good care of my other needs. All the little, but very important things.
Along the way, I’ve learned that many mental health issues come from our unsatisfied needs. It’s good to know them for starters. I’ll stop here and leave the rest of the work to you.
I believe I’m not the best teacher for you anyway, but I can recommend one of my courses where you can get some more insights about this topic.
What helped you to heal your broken heart?
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time was the best ally. move on. live life.
I was gonna say Time as well. Keep busy, and one day you’ll realize you don’t cry when you hear those certain songs.
no songs. just don t want anymore emails from her saying have a nice life.
Sorry I was sort of speaking in general. But I would hate getting emails like that too. Maybe it would be cathartic to tell her to kindly stop and move on with her own life.
i have been for years. but i have been complicit too. but she s been trying to recoup money stolen from her by her ex. or so she says. not my business. i do not make it a habit of speaking in general. fyi
I’m sorry. I always speak in blanket statements, much to everyone’s annoyance. Well, I wish you luck in putting the issue to bed someday, sooner rather than later hopefully.
as far as i m concerned, i have. literally speaking, that is
Yes, value oneself. Last time this happened to me it was a fairly ridiculous situation. I was helped by my embarressment at the fact that I never should have happened in the first place. I made a short list of things I like about myself that have nothing to do with this other person and kept that top of mind for a couple of weeks as I found myself missing said person. That is something I recommend everyone do.
Because people are so diverse that, chances are, you have qualities, strengths, talents and perhaps even advantages that this other person does not have. So cling to that as a method of stepping away from your attachment to your broken heart and put it top of mind by writing down a list and keeping it top of mind while you work on letting go.
Indeed, having such list can help a lot in these moments.
I’m with Utahan15 above. Time. Time and like you said feel all the emotions in all their depth but I had to do it in small chunks and then put it to the side at times to come back to later and work at it some more. Acknowledging and allowing all the love I was receiving from family and friends also helped tremendously.
I’ve found that finding something (preferably not someone) else to focus mental energy on is helpful.
Unrequited love is always the hardest, but the heart and soul is resilient and moves on with time. The resources you provided can help too!
If you really (really) love the person who does not love you back, you have to accept that it is so and be happy for whatever or whoever makes them happy. You do not make a nuisance of yourself or try to woo them by changing into something you are not. You have to learn to know your own mind. My first experience, long after, I realized was not about love although I certainly did care for that person, but it was all about my need for acceptance and all sorts of complicated stuff. None of this is easy. When you reach my advanced age you get perspective! I have met several soulmates but none were fated to be with me in this lifetime. It’s sad, but sometimes, that’s the way it is and we must accept it.
This is a very valuable wisdom Carolyn. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
A heart truly broken needs no fixing. Coz in it’s pieces, it has found salvation.